Filling every gap in the day by being busy is so common for women that I find one of the biggest hurdles at the beginning of any coaching relationship is getting women to stop.
A spot of guilt free 'me time'
It sounds so simple but for many it just isn't. The fact is that as women we have so many roles; boss or employee, mother, partner, daughter, cook, bottle washer, cleaner, taxi driver, entertainer, lover, the list goes on.
If we really wanted to we could fill every minute of every day. There will always be tasks to be performed, things to be completed, stuff that needs our attention. The hard fact is that all of us will keep on being busy until we make a conscious decision to change it.
Of course being busy isn't all bad and stuff does need to get done but when we start to look at the pay-offs for keeping busy (and perhaps doing it all ourselves) we begin to see that perhaps we don't need to be as busy as we are. So if you crave a bit of 'me time' read on.
Some excuses that keep us busy...
1. "If I don't do it no-one else will".
If this is an honest statement, then it may well be that that 'thing' doesn't need to be done because if no-one else will do it, it is only you that sees it as something worth doing. Generally someone else WILL do it if there is a pay-off for them. eg. If no-one else in the family will hang the washing out it may well be because they know you will. If you stopped hanging the washing out it is probable that they may well start to do it when there are no dry clothes to wear.
2. "No-one else does it properly so I HAVE to do it".
This is a question of standards! I distinctly remember my children learning to load the dishwasher. I felt it was much easier to do it myself. It took longer when they did it, there was a terrible mess and generally it needed re-stacking so it took twice the amount of my time. I honestly wanted to take over and it was my husband that told me to go away (politely) and had them do it after every meal until low and behold we have a whole family team who can competently load a dishwasher so the task is shared and I do it less.
3. "If I don't do this I will be looking at it all evening and feel unsettled".
Are you 'stuffocating'? Decluttering is where it's at! Get rid of all your uneccesary stuff in your visual field. Having 'stuff' that isn't where it should be (or doesn't need to be in your life at all will unsettle you). They are after all just tasks waving at you when you are try to take time out. I can highly recommend getting a good declutter book and ridding yourself of everything you don't need and surrounding yourself with the things you love.
4. "If I don't do this I will feel guilty".
Guilt is something us women know about! But ask yourself why you feel guilty. Are you being hard on yourself? For example, if you need to go shopping for your great aunty and you don't really want to, is it because no-one else is pulling their weight or because you can't bear the idea of someone else doing it (see number 1 and number 2 above.) Is it realistic to put alternatives in place so it isn't always you?
5. "If I don't do this I will have to do things I am scared of".
What is being busy stopping you from facing?
I will use myself as an example for this one! As a bit of a workaholic and as a mother and wife too it is easy for me to say how busy I am. No-one questions it. In fact, people say to me "I know you're busy" before I even open my mouth. For a long time 'being busy' was my perfect excuse for not doing things that were outside my comfort zone. I am a little bit terrified of social situations despite my ability to be completely confident in the business environment. Being busy was the perfect excuse not to socialise. I also never made time to exercise because, you guessed it, "too busy".
It took a bit of bravery to see my "busyness" for what it really was and tackle it head on. To grab the bull by the horns and make myself go to the pub with friends (who'd nearly forgotten my name) and to begin to run three times a week to increase my fitness.
I work on a weekly basis with women who want to shape the life they want and get to where they want to be. It's always interesting to hear them describe the lives they want, which often involve a good amount of 'me time'. When we start to move towards this goal, it becomes really apparent that 'stopping the busy' opens us up to some pretty deep questions around 'who actually am I when I'm not doing?' and 'What is it that I actually LIKE doing?'