Sarah lived in a very cheap & pretty grim flat. The area she lived in had a high crime rate and the security in her block was poor. She complained a lot to her friends about the state of where she lived and yet despite her friend’s encouragement and offers of help she never made an attempt to move out.
After experiencing the flat being broken- in to for the third time, and the landlord just not responding to her security concerns she realised that the time had come for her to make a move. Sarah noticed however, that even then, living in those circumstances, she wasn’t making the effort she needed to look for somewhere new and move out.
To most of us, continuing to live in this situation may seem ludicrous. The thing is, there are always hidden payoffs for staying in crappy situations. some of us wait until we’re close to broken (or actually broken) to be propelled to change a situation but you don’t have to wait for that. By analysing what the pay-offs are you can start to challenge them.
I have a friend who is unhappy with their weight. They know they would be happier if they lost weight and got fitter but don’t feel compelled or the least bit motivated to begin doing something about it. They are waiting for a moment to compel them into action. They joked that if their partner was not attracted to them anymore they would be off to the gym tomorrow. At the moment though, there are pay-offs for staying overweight.
To fast-track to action you need to get honest with yourself. Enlist an honest friend to help you uncover the pay-offs for staying with the situation as it is.
For Sarah in her damp flat, the payoffs were uncovered through conversation…
The flat was so cheap that Sarah had a lot of disposable income to spend on meals out and drinks which meant that she felt part of the social scene
When Sarah’s flat gets broken into she gets lots of attention from friends and family which made her feel loved.
Staying in a crappy flat means people would feel sorry for her and invite her for tea or to stay for the weekend which meant that she wasn’t alone and felt cared-for.
When she felt lonely she could invite a friend to be with her. She would say she was too frightened to be alone.
Sarah didn’t have to take on responsibility, able to blame the landlord for the bad situation she was in.
There are always payoffs for staying in situations that we are unhappy about.
Take some time to think about what situations you may be in that you are not dealing with. (They may not be as extreme as Sarah’s.)
Be brave! What’s really keeping you in a situation that ultimately is making you dissatisfied?
photo by Daria Shevtsova www.pexels.com@daria