Proper big tears.
My daughter, who was 4 at the time, clippity-clopped in my high heels into the bathroom and came back with a tissue. She started to dab my eyes as she squatted next to me with a confused face.
I was exhausted. Mornings at the time included getting 3 children out the door to various different schools or child facilities, with various different school uniforms, different packed lunches catering for various different likes, disikes, intolerances and fears— including the debilitating fear of tomatoes harboured by my middle son. The dog needed to be walked, tea prepped in the slow cooker, urgent emails were batted off at silly o’clock before the children woke. Just the responsibility of keeping a business financially afloat was stressful in itself, but especially with the added pressure of ensuring my vulnerable clients were getting the care I had promised. All of this among recruitment challenges.
I was frantically rummaging around in the cupboard, late for my first meeting already, but convincing myself I would somehow make it. There was no room for error. I had asked my daughter to put her shoes on— she had chosen my high heels. Ordinarily I would have just scooped her up and taken her to the childminders like that, but today was a big day— today she was going on a trip, and she needed sensible shoes. After an amount of frantic searching, I came across something— one sensible right shoe located. One more to go. As I looked underneath things, and in things, it became more and more apparent that the left shoe was nowhere to be found. The desperation was tangible as I started to throw things out the cupboard like I was in a cartoon, swearing under my breath and sending various shoes and items of clothing flying behind me. Looking at my watch I realised I was going to miss the most important meeting of the month. Maybe even the year.
I concluded in that moment that I was rubbish. I was a rubbish mother. A rubbish businesswoman. The tears flowed like a river. I was beyond stressed and I was living on the edge. Something had to change.
This was a moment that elicited massive change for me. I knew I couldn’t keep putting myself at the bottom of the pile or there would be many more days of tears to come.
I now work with people just like old me. I help them to create a self-care plan that will change the course of all their days. Have them feeling refreshed and full of energy rather than depleted and exhausted. If you want to self guard your future against burnout I can help.