Are you feeling stressed and exhausted?
Would you know if you were close to burnout?
In 2018 I was running so fast in my business, I was missing life. Technology is a wonderful tool and now more than ever, an integral part of our lives. We can check emails whilst in meetings, make calls whilst commuting, be in several conversations at once due to the power of text messaging... and is it me, or are zoom meetings getting closer and closer together? Working like this takes its toll, and that’s without living under a cloud of a global pandemic. We are all exhausted.
Burnout for me looked like many months of depression and anxiety spent laying on the sofa staring at the patio doors; day after day. Broken only by visits to see the young student doctor whose eyes communicated the deepest of care that her face would make me cry. The first months were spent either in a heavy blur thanks to the diazepam or jolting in terror; Panic attacks that would consume my body and I was sure I would die. Deep breaths are taken after the event as the wave of feeling sick engulfed my body created by the adrenalin. Other days my husband made a judgement that leaving me alone staring at the doors was not safe due to my very dark thoughts. Then he would drive me to my mother’s house where she would love me all day whilst I told her all the reasons why I was unlovable.
Burn-out is real. Pushing hard every minute of each day makes us ill.
It was during my recovery from Burnout that I completely rebuilt how I work. The realisation that most of my working days were spent in one place physically whilst in another mentally didn't come until I stepped gingerly back into the workplace. My recovery felt so slow and was peppered with guilt. Leaving my colleagues and team to lead themselves,(They were amazing) Being unable to support my co-founder and board with any decisions hurt. It's quite the moment when you realise everything functions pretty well without you. It also hammered something home...
We can't do it all forever and if we try there are huge consequences.
During my phased return to work, I discovered a secret. In my brain's "go slow'' mode, I discovered magic I would never have experienced.' had I been able to multi-task at speed like before.
Something extraordinary happens when we work in the same place mentally as we are inhabiting physically. When we are present in the moment thinking is clear, decisions come easily and I found I moved through tasks effortlessly. I got more done than I ever did before.
.Athletes call this place the Zone: Life happens in the moment. We do not have the power to change the past (depression), nor can we act in the future (anxiety).
It is in the moment; in the present, where our future is created and our dreams are achieved.
As things here ramped up over this pandemic year. I have found myself slipping into meeting after meeting, with no time to follow up on actions. Communication tennis occurs from all directions on multiple devices, self-imposed targets and much sought after training attended with no time in my day to implement my learning. I noticed some overwhelm raise its head.
It was whilst weighing out spices into a pan, concentrating hard on reading the measurements in the recipe book next to the cooker, whilst a podcast played in my ears. The sound of the dogs play-fighting created a rumble and I reached for the dial on the hob as pans starting to hiss as they boiled over. As I tried to ignore the devastation of our tidy home left by homeschooling children I replied “really?” to my eight-year-old daughter’s excited ramblings. In a second the lights dimmed and a spotlight lit up my daughter and I. Everything else blurred as her broken face sadly said "and that’s why I know you haven't been listening- again" Like a thunderbolt, it hit me as I sat on the floor and pulled her reluctantly into a hug. The moment- Being present to what matters.
This weekend I will be prioritising reconnecting with every moment. I have adjusted my calendar with a day each week blocked out for follow-ups, thinking time, planning, actioning and learning. That day will take priority every week. It will not get booked with anything else.
The photo is of a sketch of my view of the patio doors from the sofa. I am no artist but drawing was my route to being in the Zone and is a tool I Still use when overwhelmed. A 10-minute sketch challenging my brain to focus on what I really see and not what I think I see is a great way to switch quickly back to the Zone. It’s in the zone where athletes win!
I want to know how you get in the zone?
From The Sofa