One Puppy!
How do you deal with disappointment?
Those that know me well will know that I don’t hold back when it comes to getting excited about the future. I LOVE feeling excited. I love the energy it creates in my body. I love the conversations it produces when I’m engaging with others. I love the day dreaming that occurs when I envisage what it will be like to live with the thing I am excited most about.
I feel sad when people won’t let themselves experience the joy of the excitement, all those days of jumping out of bed with a spring in their step, just in case the thing they are looking forward to doesn’t come to fruition. I am often told not to get too excited. “it might not happen”
This picture is of my beautiful dog Olive. We decided to breed Olive for the second and last time a few months back. She is an amazing Mummy and we all loved the experienced last time when she had a litter of 10. I would be lying if the financial aspect of breeding her was not a factor. It really was. Puppies are sought after at the moment and we breed exceptionally cute ones! You could say that this journey was set to make me happy in many ways!
On Wednesday, quite unexpectedly she gave birth to her first puppy while I was on a Zoom call to a colleague. I hadn’t even known she was in labour. It just sort of happened behind me with very little fuss. My poor colleague has only been working with us for a few weeks and already he is experiencing the madness! After four hours of concern and various calls to the vets, we decided to take her in as nothing seemed to be progressing. We were all a bit stressed and worried by now, and although manipulating a labouring dog into a car for a drive seemed like an unfair pressure, we needed to know if she was ok. I held the tiny puppy in a hat warmed by my husbands head as we drove to the vets. I was worried about Olive.
We needn’t have worried, she bounced into the vets with all the excitement of a child at a birthday party.
To our surprise, after an x-ray, the vet was able to determine there were no more puppies. Very unusual for a springer spaniel, not completely unheard of but unusual all the same.
Disappointed much?
Yes of course I’m disappointed. I would have loved to have experienced the madness of a house full of puppies again. I would have loved to have paid off debts and maybe even have had a lovely holiday. (The things I had daydreamed about and discussed with friends with all the excitement that the thoughts brought.) But here’s the thing…
Disappointment happens anyway. The perception that it is far deeper if you dream harder is just not true. If I had not allowed myself to turn up in the world with the excitement that the future of a whole bunch of puppies created, I would have missed out on a lot of days of feeling awesome wrapped in my excitement.
Also, I have already had messages from friends asking me what I will do next to realise my vision. It seems I have created accountability by talking openly. So now I just need to make it happen. I could try breeding again but I wonder if the universe is telling me there are easier ways and Olive has been through enough.
I LOVE this puppy and the lesson he affirms.
Are you too scared to dream in case you feel disappointed if things don’t turn out quite as expected?
Live life unapologetically, enjoy your excitement for the future but remember to enjoy your present moment just as passionately. If your plans don’t happen and your disappointment is really deep, let yourself feel it, process it, grieve the future that didn’t happen and make new plans. There are many many different potential futures.
Watch out for more pictures of ‘Puppy Pants’ as he grows. I called him that because he looks like he’s wearing a brown pair of pants.